Last night while I was trying to sleep, My son's voice I did hear, I opened my eyes and looked around, But he did not appear.
He said, "Mom, you've got to listen, You've got to understand, God didn't take me from you, mom, He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that day, The moment that I died, He reached down and took my hand, And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me From the misery and pain. My body was hurt so badly, I could never be the same.
My search is really over now, I've found happiness within, All the answers to my empty dreams And all that might have been.
I love you all and miss you so, And I'll always be nearby. My body's gone forever, But my spirit will never die.
And so, you must all go on now, And live, and understand... God did not take me from you, He only took my hand."
- Author Anonymous
What is Normal after your child dies? / Lisa Loring (Mama) Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.
Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's, July 4th , Halloween....
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every boy who looks like he is David's age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.
Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special David loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son, David. Normal is making sure that others remember him.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares.NOTHING...Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.
Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for.God. "God may have done this because…"
I know David is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have three children or two because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that David is dead.
And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.
Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better."
Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.
And last of all... Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."
--------------------
The above poem was originally written by Tara and Heath Carey after they lost their daughters Violet and Iris in 2002 when natural gas caused their apartment to explode. I have taken the liberty to rewrite and change parts of the poem to fit it more to David's personality. I hope you are able to apply the same techniques to this poem to help you remember your child. all...
I am so sorry for your loss / Marcia Smith (no relation )
I lost my daughter just a little more than 2 months ago, she was also 17. What a wonderful tribute you have created for you son. My daughter lived ever minute of every day. It seems those children that are taken from us too soon, somehoe know how precious every minute in their short lives are. My heart goes out to you.
You've been gone from us a year now and I'll always hate Nov.3. I always used to tell my family that somehow you would be someone to reckon with in this world. I really believed that. I used to play football or baseball with you and thought that you would make your name there, but you lost interest in that along the way. Maybe you were gonna be a famous guitar player? Maybe you would have become the greatest bank robber in the world? An inventor? I don't know. Good bad or in between, you were gonna be reckoned with, I really believed that. You never got the chance and we never got the chance to see it happen. You were taken from us before you grew out of your teen years. You never had a chance to grow up and make your mark. It's our big loss.
I miss you, and make sure you watch over your brothers and your mom.
Gregory
Thinking of you on your angel date / Jo-Ann Pacenta Lauren's Mom (Angel family friend )
A year without you / Lisa Loring (Mama) My world ceased turning a year ago, my heart broke when you left my sight. Everything has changed since David was taken from me, and I am not the person I once was. I miss the joy, the laughter, happiness, and neverending LOVE. David, you were the sunshine in my world, and I am afraid of the darkness. I miss you so.
Time does not heal all wounds. Nothing can heal the pain in my heart since you left.....I long for the day we will be reunited, all of us, happy and whole, reunited in God's Kingdom. What I would give for a hug today....I love you and miss you, more than ever.
Don't drink and drive.
David Robyn Loring May 27 1990-Nov 3 2007
I WANT HIM BACK
Happy Halloween Dear David / Denise Kneale (connected by angels )
Dear David, Have a wonderful Halloween with all our Angels, lighting up our skies with your celebrations.
Please leave small signs for your precious family and friends of your love, peace and strength.
Lisa, hope to meet you in chat soon and I shall be sending you prayers on 3 November. xxx
A heartfelt Hug / Jane Throckmorton I am so very sorry for the loss of your handsome son, David. I, too, lost my son in a vehicle accident so I know your pain. I am sending David a Mother's hug from Georgia and wishes to you that God will give you comfort and you have a gentle day. My Evan's site is http://celebratingevan.muchloved.com
My thoughts are with you / Laurie Jill's Mom
Thank you for sharing David's site with me. No words can take away your pain but please know you are not alone. May you find comfort in knowing David is watching over you from heaven until the day you will join him for eternity. Sending much love and many hugs.
Missing you always / Lisa Loring (mama)
Dear David, Thinking of you at 3 am....Life is so different now, so out of sync, out of control...Our whole family has spiraled, we are broken without YOU. I hold on, stay strong, try to have some assemblance of a normal life...but, normal exists no more.
My sweet boy is never coming back...and now, my mama has left us. She is not gone to Heaven like you yet, but hers is almost worse than if she was bodily gone. Each time I see her, I break all over again. Granny never healed from losing you. It was too much for her to take and she crumbled.
What I would do, what I would give to have my family back. I am missing you more each day....loving you always, until we meet again. I LOVE YOU!!! XOXOXOXO
9 long months / Lisa Loring (Mama)
Today, Aug. 3 is a milestone for our family. Today marks the 9 month mark, after losing my son David to a drunk driver. David Loring was just 17 when he was killed on November 3, 2007. I can hardly believe its been 3/4 of a uear since I saw my little boy, hugged his sweetness, saw his huge grin, heard his infectious laugh, or heard him say, "I love you Mama".
Our family has struggled beyond belief. Its your every worst nightmare magnified a million fold. Then imagine this happening every day when you wake up and realize your child is gone. Sleep becomes difficult, if not impossible. Your thoughts are of little except of your child. Normal life functioning is a distant memory. Friends you once knew drift away, because they don't know what to say, how to act. My child did live! Let me hear the glorious sound of his name!
My mother took our loss of David especially hard. She hardly left her bed for 2 months. She lost about 60 pounds. She basically gave up on living. You often hear about someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child or a spouse, has passed away quickly after their initial loss. I understand this. Its much more difficult to find reasons to live. Being happy almost brings guilt. It was overwhelming for "Granny", and she suffered a massive stroke on July 15. Our family circle went from 5 to 4. I cannot fathom the thought of us being only 3.
I have seen and heard it said that people need to just "get over it". This is a fallacy, a lie. I believe I am rather exceptional that I have been able to find some resemblance of a "normal life". I kept myself in seclusion for 6 months, finally venturing out not that long ago. I should have many years to live, and I have to live them without my beloved David. I don't have a choice. Its my duty to find peace, joy, and happiness. I owe that to myself and my sons, and especially to David, the most carefree and life loving person anyone could have ever known. I miss you David Loring! Don't drink & drive!
Trials and tribulations / Lisa Loring (mama)
My mom, Robin Loring
The loss of David has made our very small family circle even smaller, yet tighter. We are basically just myself, my sons Nick and jack, and my mother. We have all felt pure devastation with our loss of dear david. All of us have suffered. I have not written much about how deep the pain has been for my mother, Robin.
"Granny" was the one notified by the sheriff that david had been killed, and had to identify him from a photo taken after the crash. She was the one who first had to tell nick, then jack, that their beloved brother was gone. She then had the awful task of telling me, knowing it would certainly crush me, if not kill me right in my tracks.
Granny with two baby boys
My mother has been so sad, depressed really, the entire past 8 months. She yet has to find any sense of joy, peace, or reasons to live. Light is gone at our home, and moving on is something that has little meaning. Granny hardly left her bed for 2 months after david left. She began losing weight, a lot of it. She has probably lost close to 60 pounds. All i have seen her eat is crackers and carrots. She stopped taking care of herself completely. I watched her in constant fear, praying that grief wouldn't also take her from us.
On tuesday, July 15th, just one week after her 60th birthday, my mother suffered a massive ruptured brain aneurism. She was helicoptered to a neurosurgical intensive care hospital in Milwaukee. She had a profound, devastating hemmorhage in her brain, resulting in a coma. She was put on life support, and our family has gathered at vigil.
Granny with her David
Despite the grim odds for recovery, as most do not survive this type of injury, granny has not only survived for the past 4 days, but is improving!! She is now awake much of the time, and is actually oriented. Although she cannot speak, and is still on a respirator to assist her breathing, she was able to write a few words on a chalk board for me. She remains paralyzed on the right side of her body. We do not know if this is permanent. She has a drain/monitor inplanted in her brain to drain blood and monitor the pressure on her brain.
We are struggling again, but are a strong and loving family...more later. back for my 12th trip to Milwaukee in the last 4 days. Please keep granny in your prayers. We aren't ready to lose another of our small circle. i love you mom.
XOXO Lisa
Missing you still / Lisa Loring (mama) My dearest David, I haven't written as much here in the past month, not because I am not thinking of you, but because I am nearly at a loss as what to say. My hurt is as strong as ever, and you are always on my mind. You are my first thought when I wake, and everything I see, hear, or smell reminds me of you. Each day I remember, and weep. What a horrible thing for any parent to have to endure. Some days are so long, and it seems like its been forever. But, the memories of you are so fresh, like we haven't parted at all.
The thoughts of living a long life without my child is too much to bear. I don't think of death so much, just to be with him. I fear nothing any more, and think of little else. What else is there really? Everything else pales in comparison to the love of family, so every mundane issue in this life means nothing to me. I only want my son.
I love you David Loring, until my last breath...and we are together again!
David's Birthday / Lisa Loring (mama) As much dread that I had in anticipation for David's Birthday, me being without my beloved boy, etc etc etc We ended up getting through, and in fairly fine fashion I might add. All of David's friends came over for pizza and cake and ice cream. (complete with candles) We sang Happy Birthday, while photos of dear David were placed between the 2 cakes. I took a number of great pics of Terry, Tyler, Jeff, Andre, Stina, Celeste, Nick, Jack, and Melissa....
Still, the mood was somewhat somber, and some tears were shed. Lots of hugs for all of us, hurting so much, missing the boy who meant more to each of us than just about anything. We just miss him so much.
Happy Birthday my son. I love you...Always,
Mama
so sorry / Lori
Loring Family,
I am so sorry to see this beautiful young man has left us so soon .I see today is his 18th Birthday so Happy Birthday David .
I have 3 beautiful children and my oldest just turned 18 on may 15th and I pray every day to have another day with them as im sure you do and did. you are a strong woman to keep going and im happy to see you still have your faith. may God bless you in this time and continue to keep you going day by day. you and your family will be in my prayers and thank you for letting us see the pictures and stories of David once again I am so so sorry for your loss
Missing you on your Birthday / Lisa Loring (mama) I've been thinking of you dear David, so much more the closer it gets to your Birthday! In a few short hours, it will be your 18 th Birthday, and you are not here with me to Celebrate it. You were so looking forward to so many things, and I am heartbroken. I miss you more each and every day...every moment. I will never stop loving you my David...I love you with all my heart....Mama
David's Headstone...coming along!! / Lisa Loring (mama)
I have finally gotten around to working on David's Headstone (monument)...I know, I know...6 months! But, I wanted it to be perfect, besides he wasn't buried. David was cremated, and I gave all of his friends some of his cremains in small glass vials or other containers. Many of us wear them as jewelry. But, some relatives were really insistent, and persistent, that we do the traditional cemetery and headstone thing...I relented, and 2 weeks ago, picked the perfect spot for his grave, right under a huge tree in an old cemetery in Kenosha. I also saw many other people's graves we have known, many close by David's site.
We set out to find a monument, and NONE of them "spoke" to me, so we are doing a custom thing. This Headstone will tell the world who David Loring was. It will be the only legacy, or story that is around in a permanent way that says something about this boy, who meant so much to so many. Anyways, this is his gravestone. The shape is unique, sort of tear drop, but not quite. The granite is different than any I have seen, it is grayish, with flecks of green, and is not from Wisconsin or South Dakota, like most Granite comes from. David's granite will be coming all the way from India. (very fitting!)The small oval pic of David, will be in porcelain, because it is long lasting. Etched into the monument will be David's guitar, something that was an important part of his life, from about age 6. Along with his pertinent data, Name, birth and death dates, a quote will be etched, "Peace Bro". This was the last thing he said to his little brother, Jack, before leaving the house on that fateful drive...
On the lower portion is the unique design many of you are probably wondering about...It is a lotus flower, along with a Tilaka (he was cremated as a Vaisnava) and his Name, in English and Sanskrit...
I have some fine tuning to do on this, but so far i am very pleased...It is just a small token of my love for my son, and I hope he likes it...any suggestions, ideas, or comments are welcome:)
Lots of Love, Lisa (David's mama)
Missing you on Mother's Day / Lisa Loring (mama)
Mother and child never truly part, they are bound together by the beating of the heart. I am missing you today, more than ever, on a sad and lonely Mother's Day. I love you David Loring.
Not so Merry Month of May / Lisa Loring (Mama)
Missing you Buttercup
Springtime is what I think of when remembering dear David. He was born on May 27th, 1990, on a beautifully sunny and warm afternoon. It was 75 degrees that day, very nice for so early in the season in Wisconsin. The grass is finally green again, like David's sparkling eyes. Everything begins to bloom and blossom, full of so much beauty, again like my David. David was like a little buttercup, with his so blonde hair, round face, bright eyes, and cheery smile. He was so delightful and even smelled like the outdoors. I miss the fragrance of the wind, freshly mowed grass, and muddy little fingers.
I have difficulty seeing the beauty this Spring, especially when I spotted the first robin a few weeks ago. It made me cry, because it reminded me....So many things remind me, and I think this month will be, by far, my most difficult yet, since he departed. Today is the 21st Birthday, and departure day, of my first born son, Mickey. Tomorrow is six months since David left us. Soon it will be Mother's Day, followed by David's 18 th Birthday....I cannot think of much else, other than missing him. I try to keep occupied, but constantly my thoughts return to my boy, and missing him so. He was so looking forward to turning 18, so many dreams not yet fulfilled...never to be fulfilled...and I am empty, broken. I love you David Loring.
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